If They Can Do It…You Can Do It

I know I promised a full graduation recap this week- but that’s not going to happen. Its disappointing I know, if you’re not familiar with this feeling, then you should just get used to it.

For some reason I thought it would be a good idea to move the week between Johnny Law graduating and starting to study for the bar. At the time it didn’t seem like a great idea, but it appeared bearable. Now, it seems down right idiotic. Totally my idea though, can’t blame anyone else for my Memorial Day Weekend spent packing.

Johnny Law’s still got a spring in his step, but a lot of his friends’ bar prep courses have already begun, so he’s beginning to see the start of that black hole he’ll be entering momentarily. Since he’s not quite entered his abyss of despair, I’ve been trying to make light of this bar exam mumbo jumbo by giving him examples of people who have passed instead of the epic failures you hear about on TV.

If these guys can do it, then Johnny Law should be able to do it…

Geraldo: Anyone who goes by one name can’t be taken seriously…even if he has his own news show.

Rod Blagojevich: If going on The Celebrity Apprentice is your best career move, then I’m not thinking the law degree was really worth it.

Hillary Clinton: I’m not even going to touch this one.

Jerry Springer: Mayor of Cincinnati–> Jerry Springer Show–> Dancing With The Stars…he keeps going downhill post-Law School.

The Shat: So William Shatner really only played on on TV… but still.

…Johnny Law, you’ve got this thing in the bag…or ELSE!

Graduation Hangover Week

I can’t imagine anyone happier than Johnny Law on graduation day last weekend- and we’ve both been so busy basking in all it’s glory that I’ve been far too neglectful to this blog. After two full days back at work I feel like I’m still coming off of this bender, but that’s no excuse. I haven’t yet gotten copies of some of my favorite grad weekend photos, so stay tuned over the next few days. To tide you over until then, I thought it would be fun to share some of the hysterical gifts Johnny Law received on graduation day. If you’re a regular reader, you probably saw my earlier post about Ridiculous Gifts For Law School Grads. If you didn’t- then gosh darn it, READ IT! Actually, don’t do that, you really didn’t miss much because our friends are much funnier than I was.

First off, I have to admit Johnny Law and I both got completely spoiled all weekend. Everyone traveled a long ways to be here with us, and it felt like every time I turned around people were handing us money and presents. Not to mention I still have enough food and drinks left over to last Johnny Law and I through the Bar Exam.

(Note to self: Your master plan of investing in a law student is beginning to reap rewards. )

First of all, how long did people spend finding cards with a red headed graduate?

The card on the right is from my Grandparents. One of the first things my parents did upon arrival was have Johnny Law open the card. I knew it was going to be a great weekend when he read her personal note to him from my Grandmother aloud.

“PS- Tom, always remember to be a nice lawyer.” The word nice was underlined three times.

I love that woman. If you’ve ever met her I’m sure you can imagine her saying it right to his face in a serious manner, which she has done before, and I’m sure will do again the next time we see her.

These are only a few. All of them were pretty funny and Johnny Law read each one aloud as he read them…surprise surprise he loves a captive audience and isn’t exactly shy.

These next couple books got a lot of laughs. The first one was given to Johnny Law, and the last one was for me. I think mine is cooler.

Can’t wait to put all these little trinkets to good use. Stay tuned for my next post where I’ll share what our guests left Eugene with. Hint- Its green and yellow and won’t be found on any runway.

Graduation Week Is Upon Us

I’m not organized enough to have been counting down the days until Johnny Law’s graduation (why bother really, after graduation he’s still got to pass the bar then get a job before it really means anything), but I have been getting jacked up for a graduation party for at least six months. My family is pretty gung-ho about graduations. Really anywhere requiring my aunties to prepare food is a highly anticipated event, but graduations really take the cake.

I think the excerpt from a conversation I had with my dad outside of my older brother’s high school graduation when I was about 5 years old pretty much sums things up.

Papa John: “You know what, this is probably going to be the best day of your brother’s entire life.”

Naive Me: “Well, what about the day he gets married?”

Papa John: “That’s going to be the worst day of his life.”

This isn’t to say anything bad about my brother. Papa John would say that getting married is the worst day of anyone’s life. (Full disclosure: my parents have been married for 30 years.) But that’s a topic for another blog post, back to graduations..

We are lucky to have about 25 of our closest friends and family coming down for the big day- and they’re expecting big things. In addition to watching Johnny Law show up and officially receive his diploma, a number of them have asked to see tie-dye and hippies. Luckily for them the Eugene Saturday Market started up a few weeks ago, so that’s the first stop on our graduation weekend list. I really hope the weather takes a turn for the better so they can get the full experience of peace drumming and all the usual market characters.

To get them even more excited (and to make those of you at home jealous), I took a lap around my work-neighborhood and snapped some photos to give them a taste of the culture. All these photos were within a block of my office, and three blocks of the market.

Martin Luther King Jr. and Jerry Garcia overlook a forest filled with a group of mythical creatures?

Some interpretative dance and bike riding on rainbows

My favorite car in my parking garage

...and the rising sun

My Facebook Friends Are Hilarious: Part II

Last week I shared some Facebook status updates from our friends who had their last day of law school. Now that finals are winding down I find myself glued to my iTouch at night looking for more hysterical updates. I promise this will be the last post focused on Facebook updates- I just think these guys have nailed it right on the head…lawyers might not be so terrible after all.

Alert The Authorities: Johnny Law’s Officially Done With Law School

If you see a delirious red headed man wandering the streets, look for my phone number on his t-shirt collar and I’ll come collect him. I don’t expect him to be alert by 5pm when I’m done with work, so if he’s sleeping just leave him where you found him until then.

For the sixth time time since starting law school, Johnny Law will celebrate his semester being complete, and at some point I will hear from him and welcome the brand new, much more relaxed man back into our house.

Instead of the infamous Top 10 list, I thought I’d do a brief recap of Johnny Law’s Law School career by the numbers. Today marks his final exam, so without imposing too large of a jinx, I think we’re ready to put law school in the books.

*These figures are based off of my own rough estimates only.

Cups of Coffee: 2,000+ (Now takes a Thermos to school)

Days In Class: 544

Mornings Up Before 6am For The Legal Ballers Association: 120

Slurpee Study Breaks: 61

Debates with classmates over organic farming: 55

Walks over the Autzen Bridge after 2am: 25

Trips To/From Spokane: 15

Pub Trivia Championships: 9

Pairs of flip flops: 3

Bikes Stolen: 2

Bike Accidents: 2 (In the same week. The week prior to our wedding.)

Vandalized Stop Signs: 1

Marriages: 1

Nights spent “solving the world’s problems”: Too many to count

Finals Rally Beard

For all the crap I give him- Johnny Law is really good at a lot of things. Growing facial hair is not one of them.

When Johnny Law’s idol, Conan O’Brien came to town, he shaved his beard and suited up all day to prepare for his performance. When Conan came out sans-suit, and with a mountain man beard, Tom didn’t let it phase him. He just turned his baby face into the beginning of his last ever “Finals Rally Beard”.

If you’re not a fan of CoCo, here’s what he was lookin like in Eugene.

If you don’t know what rally beards look like, see exhibit A, crazy Joaquin Phoenix.

Now for kicks, check out the progress of Johnny Law’s own beard. Even though he always has facial hair, it doesn’t come easy. Without facial hair I feel like I’m dating a 12 year old.

This is five weeks worth of beard. So sad.

He still has three days to go until his last final is complete, but who are we kidding. This beard is not going to get any more impressive.

The Cap And Gown Saga

It all started about about month ago.

Johnny Law: “You’re not gonna believe this. Do you know how much they made us pay for these stupid cap and gowns we HAVE to wear on graduation day-How much money have I given to this university already for them to NOT keep the professors I want. I’ll tell you how much, 70 bucks for this ugly thing. And THEN the lady told me I’d have to take it to get dry cleaned. I asked her how much and she said $20- that’s ridiculous!”

Me: Ok. A- You don’t have to get it dry cleaned. Take the crumpled mess out of your backpack and hang it in the bathroom. B- Its called a steamer. I’m sure both of our Mother’s have one, we can borrow it and I’ll steam your gown.

Johnny Law: “Well, they said-“

Me: And C- You don’t actually have to walk in your graduation, so its your own choice. And who cares about $70 anyway?

This saga continued for at least another week. In talking with a few of our friends, I found out that someone had actually asked the person in charge of graduation if they had to buy the gown. The answer was no, you could choose to wear a purple shirt and black slacks. I told Johnny Law not to even think about it. There’s no way I’m claiming the one person too cheap to buy a gown.

Johnny Law even tried to organize a graduation gown pub craw that didn’t quite take shape. Needless to say, he didn’t let the saga die, and he’s made a point of getting his money out of his gown.

This photo doesn’t even show how bad I think this saga’s going to get. Last night he wore it out of the house to pick someone up at the airport. Since there’s still two weeks until graduation day I’m going to call this story To Be Continued…

The LAST Day of Class EVER!

Last week it occurred to me that Johnny Law was getting close to sitting in his last law school class- EVER. It didn’t technically occur to me, I was actually at work posting a Facebook update when I started noticing a steady stream of Johnny Law’s classmates praising the Lord for their last day in a classroom…well sort of.

Most have finals the next two weeks. Then there’s the bar exam that for most is precluded by 60 or so days in the classroom/library/coffee shop spent cramming/peeing their pants hoping they don’t fail and have to do it all over again come December. At least that’s what Johnny Law is doing. He had no Facebook update, but I had to share some of my faves from my Facebook friends.

I didn’t want to bother any of these genius Facebook posters for permission to use their name and photo, especially for a blog I’m pretty sure nobody reads, so I’ve kept their identities secret.  If you are one of the inspiring writers listed below, please feel free to claim your masterpiece- I think you’re hilarious!

Can’t wait to see some of the posts after they’ve all actually received their diplomas.

Ridiculous Gifts For Law Grads

I’ve had a couple of people ask me what to buy someone who’s graduating from law school this year. It seems like the go-to gifts are a leather briefcase, portfolio, or maybe even a pen, but who really uses those things anyway? I can see it all now. Johnny Law opens up a beautifully wrapped $80 pen on graduation day…

Johnny Law: “Wow, thanks this is great.”

What He’s Thinking: “Wow, I’m going to get a lot of use out of this pen applying for unemployment…wait, you don’t even sign-up for unemployment by hand anymore, (not to mention I don’t qualify)…who wastes money on a pen?”

Johnny Law will be receiving my undying love and affection, as well as room and board through the month of July for graduation this year. It’s roughly the same gift he’s received for each of his birthday’s as well as major holidays for the past three years. You may think I’m kidding, but that is really all he’s getting. Come August after he’s taken the bar exam and regained his sanity, he’s going to have to learn how to make coffee at Starbucks or start selling plasma.

In a perfect world I would be purchasing a backpacking trip to Europe, or a week’s vacation in Hawaii, but here in the real world, we’ll be kicking it local.

Here are my top gift ideas for 2010 grads.

Law For Dummies Book: Give the law grad in your life a huge dose of irony by showing them in 250 pages what they’ve spent three years of their life learning.

Law & Order Boxed Set: I don’t know a single law student that doesn’t have a weakness for Law & Order marathons on TNT.
BONUS: If the grad is still unemployed, they’ll have plenty of time to plow through the 250 hours worth of episodes.

T-Shirts Only A Lawyer Could Love: Somewhere out there, people are purchasing these ridiculous t-shirts. If anyone is impressed by the people wearing a shirt that says, “Trust me..I’m a Lawyer”, or “A Good Lawyer Knows The Law, A Great Lawyer Knows The Judge”, you guessed it…they must be a lawyer.